Angelic Paranoia

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Letter to car drivers
Tuesday 9th March 2004 11:15 pm

Dear car drivers,

I really don't appreciate you stopping and forcing me to cross the road when you choose. When I'm standing at the side of the road thinking about when to cross I'm not just standing there turning my head from one side to another, I'm planning. I'm looking at what cars are coming, at what speed and deciding when's best to go. If you stop it makes a mess of my plan and I get confused. And don't hoot at me for not crossing when you decide I should, I'll cross whenever I like, okay? And that certainly won't be in front of cars inching forwards.

And while I'm here, I'd appreciate it if you remembered the stuff you learnt when you were learning to drive. Do you remember what indicators are? They inform other drivers and pedestrians where you think you might be going. It's especially useful on roundabouts when we all just assume you're going straight on if you don't tells us otherwise. You aren't allowed to run me over, even if I have crossed in front of you because I assumed you weren't going in that direction. If I waited until I knew for certain no-one was going down that road I'd be standing there all day.

On zebra crossings you aren't allowed on them when I am. It may sound like a stupid rule but it's really disconcerting to hear a car close behind you. It's also nice if you stop when I have a foot on one, not speed up. For a start, I've got right of way. But don't take it to extremes and slow down if I'm anywhere near one. I can wait a couple of seconds for you to get to the other side of it before I cross.

Waiting at a bus stop is not a reason to give anyone a funny look. I know you don't see them very often round here and they are only skippers but there are people without cars that aren't forced to use what we laughing call public 'transport', which the government think we should all be using but haven't got the brains to work out why we're not. I don't think having a brain is in the MP job description.

All you really need to do to make me happy and ensure I don't have a lengthy stay in hospital is to read the Highway Code. It's all in there, really.

Love, Nic (a pedestrian)


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