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I’ve Never Seen Star Wars May wrap-up (Rogue One spoilers)
Sunday 21st May 2017 4:20 pm

In May I was watching Rogue One. Since I saw it this afternoon I thought I might as well talk about it.

In summary, I found it dull and give it 2/10. The 2 is mainly for the last two minutes. More detail about what I thought, with spoilers are below:

I loved the last two minutes: Darth Vader lightsabering everyone was great. Every dying was great. Especially Jyn and Cassian improbably escaping from the base 30 seconds before it was blown up made me worry she was going to live. But then they died, so that was ok. I also liked the beach-coloured Stormtroopers. They're not quite wearing swimming trunks like in the Lego game, but being sandy coloured was pretty cool.

The worst thing about the film was the way someone decided to light it by not actually having any lights. Half the time I was looking at mostly black screen with a token bit of lighting so you could guess who was on the screen. Which I couldn't - I never worked out how to tell the bearded men apart. At one point the one who blew the ship up while he was in it I thought had died somewhere in the vicinity of the switch.

And talking of the switch, that reminds me the worst lines of the whole film:
Bearded bloke: "I can't."
Cassian: "You have to."
No, "Why can't you?" or "What do you need us to do to make it possible?" Just do it. Perhaps Cassian would have liked the moon on a stick while he was there.

Those bits aside, the film was just endless fight scenes with a bit of forgettable dialogue in between. And like, always, the base design on whatever that last planet was (something like Scarf) left a lot to be designed. I'm pretty sure they could have cut the film down to half an hour at most and not lost anything.

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