Angelic Paranoia

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Computer definitions

Access Time - The time between the instant at which information is called for, and the instant at which management expects the final report.

Assembler - One who drops his card deck.

Bit - The increment by which programmers slowly go mad.

Counter - An area over which martini's are served.

Chaining - A method of attaching programmers to desk, to speed up output.

Core storage - A receptacle for the centre section of apples.

Device - Medieval torture instrument such as thumbscrew, iron maiden.

Default - De line west of which de state of California will float off to sea at de next major quake.

Documentation - A manual which tells you how to use a program, system, or utility one version ago, and which is now unsupported.

Error - What someone else has made when they disagree with your computer output.

External Storage - Wastebasket.

Hardware - Nuts, bolts and circuit boards 'left over' after repairman has reassembled cpu.

Library - An organized collection of obsolete material.

Low Order Position - The programmer's location in the chain of command.

Microsecond - Amount of time needed for system to bomb.

Off-Line - Uncharitable remarks programmer makes to wife or husband upon being phoned at 9pm to come in because system just crashed.

On-Line - Programmer trying to deal rationally on phone with management at 9pm.

Printout - A document to verify data you know is wrong anyway.

Programmer - Red eyed mumbling mammal, capable of communicating with inanimate objects.

Source file - One which was 'appropriated' from one of the competitors.

Switch - When management changes its mind.

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