Access Time - The time between the instant at which information is called for, and the instant at which management expects the final report.
Assembler - One who drops his card deck.
Bit - The increment by which programmers slowly go mad.
Counter - An area over which martini's are served.
Chaining - A method of attaching programmers to desk, to speed up output.
Core storage - A receptacle for the centre section of apples.
Device - Medieval torture instrument such as thumbscrew, iron maiden.
Default - De line west of which de state of California will float off to sea at de next major quake.
Documentation - A manual which tells you how to use a program, system, or utility one version ago, and which is now unsupported.
Error - What someone else has made when they disagree with your computer output.
External Storage - Wastebasket.
Hardware - Nuts, bolts and circuit boards 'left over' after repairman has reassembled cpu.
Library - An organized collection of obsolete material.
Low Order Position - The programmer's location in the chain of command.
Microsecond - Amount of time needed for system to bomb.
Off-Line - Uncharitable remarks programmer makes to wife or husband upon being phoned at 9pm to come in because system just crashed.
On-Line - Programmer trying to deal rationally on phone with management at 9pm.
Printout - A document to verify data you know is wrong anyway.
Programmer - Red eyed mumbling mammal, capable of communicating with inanimate objects.
Source file - One which was 'appropriated' from one of the competitors.
Switch - When management changes its mind.