But I was still going to get lots done this weekend. Until I got dizzy on Thursday. Since this is a random dizziness for no reason, it takes a week to go away. After two days of not working, I'm now bored. Not because I have nothing to do (I have plenty to read and write) but because I feel fine when I'm lying down and want to get up and do things. But I can't. It's so frustrating.

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So I spent the week feeling rubbish and improved towards the end of the week. Which is the opposite of how I usually feel when a week goes by.

This weekend I spent getting the jobs done that I should have been doing last week. Oh, and spending the whole of this morning fixing my computer. Theoretically it was an easy fix, if only my Ubuntu installation pen drive. But I have now added to my list of Linux distros I've used with Puppy Linux. Which looks like the Windows sort of environment with Linux icons. And barks when it starts up, which frightened the life out of me because I wasn't expecting it.

I did finish a fic a couple of weeks ago and then didn't want to post at the same time as the other one, otherwise I'd look far more prolific than I really am. But I have now: John Chesterton: Time Lord (spoilers for When a Good Man Goes to War and Let's Kill Hitler). When I first had the idea, at the end of the first half of the series, I was intending to write something serious. But by the time I came up with a plot it ended up being not terribly serious at all.

Permalink | No comments | Categories: Computers, Fan fic, Life: Ill, My fanfic, Netbook

Yesterday was ballet - the last one of the term. Before it started I was sitting on the floor, having changed my shoes and I realised I couldn't tell whether I was moving, which isn't a good sign. But I was fine until we did stretches when I definitely had moments of dizziness - I have no idea why that would set it off. But once I lay down on the floor I looked up at the ceiling and it was going round and round...

I might have been ok after the first round of pirouettes (which were going really well), but it didn't occur to me until afterwards that the reason I could only get halfway round before I fell over was because my balance had gone. After the class I walked home very slowly. And managed to nearly fall over in the bath because I had my head upside down to dry my hair.

After that I just didn't have a brain or the energy to get up off the sofa. But I did go to bed before it was really dark. This morning I thought I wasn't really well enough to drive. So I left a bit earlier than usual and got the bus. My drive to work takes about 20 minutes. The bus to the centre of town where I used to work took 20 minutes. Then I waited 30 minutes for another bus that took 5 minutes to get me 10 minutes walk away from work. My total journey time from my house to work was 1 hour and 15 minutes and I was 40 minutes late.

Which is just crazy and the reason I don't get the bus usually (plus it would also cost £9 more a week than I spend on petrol). I got a lift home which meant I got home earlier than usual. And now I am spending the evening doing nothing but lying on the sofa.

On the plus side, at least it's not next Thursday where I have to go to a first aid course. And to get there on a bus I would have to leave half an hour earlier and I think I would still be a bit late - the bus takes an hour, whereas driving the back way will take about 20 minutes. And the government wonders why people don't use public transport...

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Of course it helps to have some time in the evening. Last week was the end of the Rotaract year, so Monday and Tuesday I was out at both the Rotary clubs handover dinners, which took all evening and meant I had two late nights. Wednesday was ballet as usual, Thursday I had stuff to catch up with and before I knew it it was the end of the week. So then after all that I woke up dizzy on Saturday morning, which wasn't really a surprise.

As of last Friday I'm no longer a Rotaractor. And my Rotaract club no longer exists, which is the sadder thing of the two. We've been talking about it and sorting out closing it for so long it hasn't quite sunk in yet. And we stopped doing stuff every Tuesday a while back, so I won't even notice much on Tuesday. I do still have some website stuff to do, but there's no rush. Now I have all this free time I could conceivably do something with it. I have established I can go out two nights a week (but not three). I have lots of ideas, the trouble is having the energy to do them.

Permalink | No comments | Categories: Life, Rotaract, Sport: Ill, Rotaract, Wimbledon

A couple of weeks ago we moved offices, so it now takes longer to get there and back. But I have been exploring different routes and discovered they all take the same amount of time. Although there's one I don't really want to do in the winter because it's narrow and has no streetlights - the main road doesn't have streetlights either, but at least it's the main road.

So then I overdid it with work and extra driving and randomly waking up at 5.30am for no reason. I was so tired a couple of weeks ago I slept during the day. And then slept for twelve hours, which would have been better if I hadn't then woken up dizzy.

So then I spent a week being dizzy. Which was just what I wanted when I was already feeling behind.

I went to see a ballet choreographed by my former teacher. Which I actually enjoyed (the only other time I went to the ballet I found watching the orchestra far more interesting than watching the dancing). It was interesting to see them perform movements we've learnt, but I got to see how they're supposed to look.

I did manage to see a house that I liked and now I am moving into it! I had a list of all the things to look at (so I know, for example, that the bathroom mirror is too high for me to see in, but at least isn't over the sink, so won't involve me standing on one foot and leaning over the sink to see in it), but I mostly just liked it. I am moving mid-August. I need to sort out some men with a van to pay to move my furniture, but any help anyone can offer would be appreciated as it's not likely to do my dizziness any help for a start... If anyone is curious I can message/email them the estate agent's listing.

I also signed up for femgenficathon, which is due around the time I'm moving. And 100 drabbles of summer, which is due a couple of weeks later. Neither of them have any penalties for defaulting, so we'll see. The main trouble I'm having with femgenficathon is which female character to write, there are so many to choose from...

I am on the last edit of my Big Bang. I will be done before Wimbledon.

Tennis! As great as it was to see some of the French Open I could have done without the camera work. Any time the players weren't playing a point the shot would change to the spectators and then move along and zoom in on a player and wave about and zoom in and out. I swapped to the radio commentary at one point because it was making me dizzy. I did hear the commentator remark that Federer looked calm after losing the first point in the tie-break. Which of course is nothing like how he usually is... I've seen a bit of Queens so far and I'm much preferring the camera work. And looking forward to going to the final on Sunday. Fingers crossed for nice weather (or at least no rain).

Permalink | No comments | Categories: Fan fic: Ill, Life, Moving, My fanfic, Sci-fi Big Bang, Tennis

On the plus side, I finished the first draft of my Big Bang fic. It comes to 17,600 words, which is quite a lot considering the first draft is more of a plot outline with dialogue. I have to go back and change bits of plot now. Well, I say now, I mean after I've done Remix. But I have already decided what I'm going to do, I just need to find the energy to do it.

I also got my Ebook Reader (but not the cover, but that's a long story). It's great having so many books on it and I'm loving that you can change the direction you swipe your finger to turn the page - I always went the wrong way on Dad's. So far I've filled it with a couple of books from Gutenberg and a load of fics from last year's AU Big Bang which I've been meaning to read for months.

Speaking of, while I was looking for the 2010 masterlist for AU Big Bang, I looked at people signing up and what they're intending to write. And I thought there should be a Lynda Day at the Chalet School...

Permalink | No comments | Categories: Computers, Fan fic, Life, Rotaract: Ebook reader, Ill, Remix, Rotaract, Sci-fi Big Bang

Although I am really annoyed that as of Tuesday, the channel that showed Chuck and Leverage to those of us without Sky or cable, is now only for people who have Sky or cable. And I suspect the chances of either of those two programmes being on Freeview are small. So annoying. The stupid thing is it would be cheaper to buy them on DVD (never mind rent) than to get Sky just to watch 40 episodes. Or in my case, not quite get round to watching for ages.

On the positive side, this week I have been working on my Big Bang fic. I have 3000 words - of plot notes. But I found last time that if I write down exactly what's in each scene it makes it easier to write the scenes. And it's easier to move them around at the plotting stage than at the writing stage. Now that's done I have 30 scenes. I ought to start writing on Monday really. It's just that the first 13 are from Jack O'Neill's point of view and I've not written from his point of view before. Although I have now watched so much Stargate that every voice is starting to sound like him.

Permalink | No comments | Categories: Fan fic, Life, TV: Ill, Sci-fi Big Bang, Various tv

selenay

What I had to start with is labyrinthitis. Which I've had twice. Out of every virus I've ever had, it's the worst, by a long way. The day before it starts I've felt a bit crap, like something's coming on. Which it is: labyrinthitis is caused by a virus, it just attacks the inner ear - specifically the labyrinth (hence the name), which controls your balance.

It comes on suddenly (apart from the feeling crap beforehand). Both times it's been while I've been in bed. When it does come on, any movement I make makes me feel like I'm on a waltzer. To the point where I throw up because I'm so dizzy. When I turn over in bed, I have to hang on because the bed's going round and round so much I feel like I'm going to fall off.

That lasts for a few hours - and it's a very long few hours. Then it fades off and after that I can move, albeit slowly. But it's generally a couple of days of lying around moving as little as possible that I'm not dizzy enough to watch TV and read. The TV is a problem because there is movement - some of it's worse than others, but at the beginning, it's all bad. Reading's a problem because it involves moving your eyes.

After about a week of it gradually getting better, I manage to make it out of the house. Which is hard going because walking means I'm moving, so my surroundings are moving in relation to me, and there are people moving as well. So it's a double whammy.

After about two weeks I can generally make it through half a day of work without having to have a lie down. The evenings are spent doing nothing except lying down to recover from having been at work.

The first time I had this, after about a month or so, I was better. So the second time I had it I was prepared for this and then... it didn't get better. Which meant I then had endless trips to the doctor, then to the ENT department at the hospital, then to the balance clinic, which is run by scientists.

Basically what's happened is that my labyrinth has been damaged by the virus, which is why I didn't get better. But the brain's clever and you can train it to tell what's normal. So I got to do exercises involving moving my eyes, then my head, then my whole body, to teach my brain that this is normal. I'd get excited about doing things that used to be perfectly normal. When I started the exercises shaking my head was not an option. Now I can turn in a 360 degree circle at a reasonable speed. I can only do it once, but even before I was dizzy turning round twice was pushing it.

There are three things that help you balance: the other two are your joints and your eyes. So when I can see things moving it's a bit like being in a train station and seeing train next to you move - it feels like the train you're on is moving. Since my inner ear's not a lot of help, my eyes are doing more of the work to compensate. Since my brain is using more information from them, the dark and taking my glasses off makes me really dizzy. Even on a really good day, if I go to the toilet in the night (where I don't put my glasses on or turn the light on because I don't want to wake up too much) the bathroom goes round and round.

Because I'm using more brain power to keep myself balanced, it makes me more tired. Which is why I need 9-10 hours of sleep a day. And going out somewhere for a day means spending the following day without the energy to do anything. I can stand up for an hour now (which is a vast improvement on when I was first ill when I couldn't stand up without holding on to anything at all), but it wears me out. It's why doing anything wears me out and if I lie down I feel much better.

This all started on the Monday after the last Redemption, so come the end of February it will have been two years. It has been getting better - and the advantage of having it this long is I can compare one year to another. It should get a lot better - back to the point where I can have my life back again. But I might well never be 100% better. It can still flare up for no reason at all, but having had that once, I know that it does go after a week, you just have to spend a week not doing much.

Doing ballet ought to help. Partly because it's something to do that doesn't involve too much movement (45 minutes of a 1 hour lesson is spent holding onto the barre, which is great). But also because in order to balance on tip toes you have to have your weight in the right place. It helps to focus on one spot, but when I get dizzy things that are normally fixed wiggle from side to side, which is not a help. But if you can keep your weight balanced, you're not going to fall over.

It also helps not to think about it, which means that now I've thought about it a lot to write this, I need a lie down...

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I drove to work on Tuesday, having not driven since a week last Friday. It turns out that's quite a long time not to drive, as I was struggling to remember how to drive. I'd happily get the bus to work more often if it wasn't for the fact that it takes twice as long, has no heating, only goes once an hour so is useless if you have to stay late and costs more than driving. And they wonder why no one gets buses round here...

I have discovered the secret to sleeping and breathing (apart from not lying down): don't move and give your chest plenty of room. Well, it worked last night. The trouble I've been having is that I keep coughing instead of breathing, which then makes my throat hurt more. I am now reaching the point where I really want to lie down and drink orange juice. I'm so sick of water and I can't drink my milk because it's just not that nice.

Permalink | No comments | Categories: Life, Radio: Ill, ISIHAC

Of course, the only two nights I have anything on in the next two weeks are Monday and Tuesday. Which is just typical. But given how busy I've been and all the bugs that have been going round work, I'm not at all surprised that I'm ill. Just glad that it's warmed up a bit.

On the plus side I now have a clean house and lots of food due to shopping and baking.

Also, after thinking about it for the best part of two days, I put myself in the anonymous holiday love meme.

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I feel quite good at the moment, which is pretty much related to work calming down and me getting some sleep. I keep going through phases of waking up at 6 or 6.30 and if you do it occasionally then you could argue that you didn't need that much sleep. But when you keep doing it and get tireder and tireder and have to go to bed earlier and earlier, that's not a help. So far this week I've only woken up at 6.30am twice, and once dreamed I had, which was a bit surreal.

Since I actually have a brain for a change, I have managed two drafts of my Remix fic. I'm quite excited about it and quite happy with it, so hopefully I'll get it finished soon, before I start feeling terrible again. Staying up late for the election in two weeks isn't going to help with that, but that's life.

I have decided that Sports Resort is my new favourite game on the Wii. I love archery on it - you hold the remote in your left hand and pull the bow back with the nunchuck, so it's much more like archery in real life. It keeps your progress like Wii Sports does, so you can see how you're improving (or not in tennis in my case), but there are other goals you can get (like getting 10s with your three arrows in archery for example), which makes it fun.

Speaking of, I think I'll go and do some Wii playing now, before HIGFNY and Outnumbered...

Permalink | No comments | Categories: Computers, Life, Rotaract: Ill, Rotaract, Wii

I got my remix assignment and the person I'm remixing has mostly written in fandoms I know. So I could write pretty much anything. I've been skim-reading and I think I've decided, but reserve the right to change my mind.

I've discovered I'm intolerant to all gluten, although I can eat quite a bit of it. At this rate I'll be intolerant to all food in ten years time. If they could just invent a pill to take every day that means you don't have to eat that would do me. Although I'd forget to take it half the time...

Permalink | No comments | Categories: Fan fic, Life, News: Ill, Politics, Remix

But I have watched my Ashes to Ashes series 1 DVD, so now I am all excited about the new series. And the serious amount of telly on over the Easter weekend! I went to set the video for it today, wondered why it was telling me I wasn't taping QI and Ashes to Ashes was on at 8pm, then realised the times were in GMT. And I can never remember what my PVR does when we change the clocks, so I'll leave it until tomorrow.

I signed up for remix. I'm going to be writing either Doctor Who (new), Doctor Who (all), Stargate, Atlantis or SJA. I have managed to do some writing this month - I have stuff awaiting the first beta go through at the moment. And maybe at some point I'll get my life back again...

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I feel ok about it at the moment, but that's because I'm having a good week. At the moment my aims are:

• To stay up late for the general election, if I get one for my birthday, as is being predicted (everyone I've told about this thinks I'm crazy, but it's exciting! Especially at the moment when it's not clear who'll win).
• To go to Wimbledon on the first Thursday - when we have tickets for Centre Court! - and get through the day (it's usually tiring...)
• To go on some days out this year, like I was planning to last year
• To go back to New York to see hhertzof's bunnies and Flushing Meadow, and maybe go back to Canada too, since I can only cope with America for a week and that's pushing it. This I obviously can't do until I'm really sure I'm better, so that's probably more likely to be next year at this rate.

In contrast to last year, I'm not planning anything at all this year because I have absolutely not idea at all when I might be better.

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And a drabble meme from lost_spook I've been waiting to put up until I'm feeling well enough to think:

The first TEN people to comment in this post get to request that I write a drabble of any pairing/character with a prompt. In return, they have to post this in their journal, regardless of their ability level.

Although feel free to ignore that last sentence - it's not like I'm going to be checking. By first ten people, I mean first ten notifications in my inbox regardless of whether they come from my blog, LJ or DW.

There's a list of fandoms I've written in on the left of my fanfic archive, but feel free to request anything I know. If I really can't write it I'll just get you to pick something else.

Permalink | No comments | Categories: Life, Meme: Ill, Meme: fanfic

Why can't I just sleep until I'm better? Or more to the point, why is it that whenever I put 301 on there's either no Australian Open or they're just finishing? And why do we always have to listen to Sam Smith rabbiting on annoyingly?

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At least, that was the theory. In practise yesterday's random asthma has turned into a cold and sore throat. I don't have a blocked up nose, but the rest of me feels bad enough to make up for it.

So everything will have to be wait and I'm just hoping I'll feel well enough to go to Collectormania on Saturday, not least because I've paid for some bits of it already. I really wish I was the sort of person that sleeps when they're ill, because at least then I wouldn't feel like this.

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Monday
Handily, the only time the hospital could give me an MRI was the middle of the afternoon, so that was an afternoon off work. Just for a change they were running late - but only about 30 minutes late, so that's practically on time for them (the hospital are a bit like Virgin Trains in this respect). The first thing they do is take your glasses away from you, and as I was already a bit dizzy from having got there, that didn't help much.

So then you lie down on a narrow table, they press a button and it goes into the middle of the tube. There's a fatal flaw with this - the only way I could have been more dizzy is if they'd spun it round. So there I am, inside this white tube, I can't see anything clearly, but itwas breathing. I hate it when inanimate objects breathe, it's really disconcerting. So I spent quite a bit of time with my eyes closed, but I was still a bit dizzy 15 minutes later when I came out - although this time I kept my eyes closed, which helped a bit.

The MRI wasn't at all like I expected. You don't feel claustrophobic because most of you isn't in this thing and it's quite roomy. The MRI makes a noise like a red alert, which is annoying at first and then you tune it out. So you just lie there thinking about how much your nose itches.

Then I when I got out I asked for my glasses before I stood up - I was less than impressed to find someone had put their sticky fingers all over one lens so I couldn't see a thing through it. But eventually I got out of there, got home and then was so tired I went to bed at 9pm.

Tuesday
Tuesday I felt a lot better for all that sleep. I had a flu jab, which hurt, which surprised me because they don't usually. In the evening we had a Rotaract trip to the Noodle Bar, which we discovered had changed its name, but still served the same food. I, amazingly, managed to finish mine (and we had some prawn crackers while we waited for everyone to arrive too!). According to my fortune cookie something good will change my life next week, so let's hope so.

It was 11pm by the time I got to bed and then I couldn't sleep because my arm was all bruised from the injection and I couldn't lie on my left side. So although the house was cold, so the bed was cold, it ended up far too hot to sleep in.

Wednesday
Wednesday I felt crap due to the lack of sleep. But I had to stay up till Spooks was on because it's the one thing on telly that people discuss at work that I actually watch (everything else is mostly X Factor and Strictly Come Dancing rubbish, and Flash Forward, where they put the camera on a Merry-Go-Round). The trouble is that it's impossible to sleep straight after en episode of Spooks. But that won't happen next week because I've taped it off BBC3, so I can watch it earlier in the evening.

Thursday
Thursday I felt worse. But I did manage to leave work early and it was useful it getting dark early because I ate early and went to bed early. Although it ended up later than I expected because my best friend rang me, but it was still 9.30pm.

Friday
Friday I felt great due to all that sleep. There's a pattern emerging this week... I went into work early to pay the dentist a large sum of money for telling me to clean my teeth better. Although Friday's telly watching night and I had all weekend to do stuff in...

Saturday
After not going to bed until 10pm Friday night I was less than impressed to wake up at 7am. So I felt really tired all day Saturday. So I basically did nothing and went to bed at 8.30pm. Although the fireworks hadn't quite stopped.

Sunday
It was 9.30am by the time I managed to open my eyes. I think it helped that the weather was crap so it was dark later. So today I feel more awake, but more dizzy, I don't know why. But I have managed to do everything I need to do today, except for my Yuletide sign-up. So far I've managed to come up with prompts for Spooks and Teachers. I'm just trying to narrow down which out of Press Gang, The Avengers and Quantum Leap are going to get the last two spots.

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Everyone who signed up for the Sarah & Harry ficathon got a story in, which I am glad about. I wrote Not Just a Pretty Face. There was quite a bit of time between me putting everything into the posting box and actually coming up with a title...

I got all excited looking at fandoms for Yuletide. How I'm going to narrow it down to four, I don't know.

Permalink | No comments | Categories: Fan fic, Life: Ill, My fanfic, Sarah & Harry ficathon, Yuletide

Things I have been doing:

Watched Generation Kill, which turned out to be surprisingly good. After seven episodes I can name seven characters, which is pretty good going (Ray, Trombley, Reporter, Brad, LT, Captain America (who I recognise from somewhere but can't work out where), Godfather). Plus there's also the bloke that wears glasses who lost his helmet. There may or may not have been other speaking characters, I got a bit confused - they all dress the same, it doesn't help!

I finished v2 of my Sarah and Harry ficathon story. So I have a draft or two to go and it will be about 5000 words. Handily, the SG Rare Pairings ficathon starts up once that's done and I'm hoping there will be some Jack/Elizabeth prompts for me to write (and I'll be leaving some, just as soon as I work out what). Then there'll be Yuletide and I so want to add Teachers to the list of fandoms. And after one episode of Merlin I want to request Gaius & Merlin again.

I'm meeting Avon on Sunday, yay!

I have a new shower. It's cunningly fitted into the corner of the bath so if you want to stand under it you have to stand on the bit of the bath that starts going upwards. So I take it down - which required me to take the shower head off so I could get it out from the middle of the soap dish so it would actually stretch far enough to shower with, and to rinse the bath with.

There really isn't anything else at all going on in my life at the moment. Just lots of things I want to do.

Permalink | No comments | Categories: Life, TV: Ill, Life, Other TV series