Rating: PG
Pairing: Sarah/Harry
Beta: hhertzof
Spoilers: Invasion of the Bane
Summary: Sarah’s pregnant, Harry’s the father, see the title for an idea of what happens next.

Sarah turned the key in her car door, but discovered when she tried to open it that she had actually just locked it. She frowned, trying to remember whether she had accidentally left it unlocked the last time she got back. She got in anyway and put the key in the ignition, still trying to work out what she could possibly have done. There was a movement from behind her and she realised what had happened. She started the car anyway before she said, “You can come out now.”

In her rearview mirror she saw a head pop up, and she twisted round to face him and ask “Didn’t I arrange for you to go to Maria’s today?”

“I told her I wasn’t going.”

She closed her eyes for a moment. For Luke, that would be all that he needed to do not to go. “Why did you do that?”

“I saw your letter and Maria told me what it meant. I wanted to go with you.”

Sarah smiled, then shook her head. She knew his decision was prompted more out of curiosity than of him wanting to be a comfort - human relationships was something he had not quite understood yet. She sighed. “You might as well get in the front, then. I feel like I’m a chauffeur.”

He clambered over the handbrake and plopped down in the passenger seat.

“Seat belt,” she reminded him.

He did as she said and turned to her with a grin. She shook her head, wondering why she let him get away with things like this and wishing she knew more about how to be a mother to a boy who looked thirteen years old but in reality was more like thirteen days old. “One rule,” she said, “no questions. You can ask me anything once we get back, but you don’t ask anyone there anything, okay?”

“Okay.”

She could see he was thinking about asking her why, which was currently his favourite word, but he kept quiet and she smiled at him. He was a good boy really, apart from his tendency to question everything, but then she could not really blame him for that. She sped out of the driveway and their journey went in silence while she thought about their destination.

~*~*~

Sarah did not even know how they had found her. She had moved so many times recently that she had given up on keeping up with changes of address. Her email address was always the same and since most of her business was done on the internet these days, it did not matter so much.

It looked like a perfectly ordinary letter, except that it informed her of the upcoming funeral of Harry Sullivan the next day. Until that point, although she had feared the worst, she always hoped it was not true. Now she had no choice, and she was glad Luke was trying out the teenage custom of sleeping until lunchtime.

She put the letter on the side in the kitchen as she got herself breakfast, but kept coming back to it, to reassure herself that it really said what she thought it did. But as much as she wished it, the words never changed. By the time her tea was ready to drink, she found it stuck in the lump in her throat. So she abandoned it and went upstairs to the attic.

She thought the surroundings up there would be comforting. Instead, the mementos and photos she kept there just reminded her of the good times she had spent with UNIT and just how much she missed Harry now he was gone. She sank down on the step in the middle of the room and cried.

~*~*~

As they arrived, Sarah spotted Nat getting out of her car and she pulled up behind. She did not rush to park and Nat was waiting for her by the time she got out. “Hi Nat,” she said, as she walked around the cars.

“Sarah.”

There was an uncomfortable pause while Sarah worked out what to say. Their phone conversation the previous day had been much the same. Eventually, though, Nat reached out and they hugged.

“I’m glad you called,” Nat said.

“I thought you ought to know. And have a choice whether to come or not.”

“Not just for that.” Nat smiled, and Sarah did too, feeling the knot in her stomach subside. Nat looked to Sarah’s left and asked, “Who’s this?”

Sarah glanced over to see that Luke had made it to her side. She put one arm across his shoulders. “Oh, this is Luke. Luke, this is my friend, Nat.”

“Pleased to meet you,” Luke said, holding out his hand.

Nat grinned at the gesture and shook his hand. “So, who exactly is Luke?”

“Oh, he’s my son. As of a couple of weeks ago.” She said it casually but Nat’s face went blank.

“Oh,” she said.

“Nat…”

“We should go in.”

Nat turned and headed into the church, leaving Sarah with no choice but to sigh and follow and leave their discussion for another time. Luke frowned at her and she was glad she had made sure he was not going to ask her anything.

Inside, Sarah picked a spot at the back, out of the way. Nat sat next to her but looked straight ahead the whole time, as they heard about Harry’s life. Although the details were sketchy, since since much of what he had done was classified. His stepmother cried as she told them that despite all his achievements, he never had a family, even though he definitely wanted to. Sarah bit her lip as she said it. Harry had obviously never said anything about Elizabeth and she wanted to leap up and correct her. This was not the place, though, so she would have to wait until later.

Somehow, she managed to keep it together throughout the service and it was only when she stood at Harry’s graveside, as everyone else started to leave, that the tears fell. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Luke look at her with a frown, and put one hand on her arm.

“It’s all right, Luke,” she said, pulling the keys out of her bag and holding them out to him. “Go and wait in the car.”

He hesitated but took them from her and went back to the car park.

“I’m so sorry, Harry,” she said softly, so no-one else in the vicinity could hear. “I should have apologised to you long ago for the way I treated you.” She sighed. “I always hoped one day you would have other children. I wish you could have met Elizabeth, you would have…” She was going to say “loved her,” but of course he already did, she had ample proof of that.

She blew her nose and turned away, and saw Nat sitting a short distance away, watching and waiting.

“Not here,” Sarah said to her. Nat nodded and followed her back to the car park. Sarah was damned if they were going to argue over Harry’s grave.

Once there, Sarah leant against Nat’s car, stuffed her hands in her pockets and waited for the other woman to talk.

“You don’t know,” Nat said, “how hard it is to grow up knowing your parents didn’t want you.”

Sarah opened her mouth to say something but Nat held up her hand, so she kept quiet and waited for her to finish.

“It’s always there, in the back of your mind, making you wonder why you weren’t good enough.”

Sarah shook her head. “It wasn’t about you.”

“I know. I know why you did it and I understand, really I do. But it never quite makes the feeling go away, and then you pushed me away again, told me you weren’t safe to be around. What makes him different?”

Sarah did not have to ask who ‘him’ was. She just hoped he could not hear from where he was sat in her car, watching them. The trouble was, she could not tell Nat the truth. Not without it being a very long story that she probably would not believe anyway. “He didn’t have anywhere else to go,” she said, and even that was not strictly true. There was nothing to stop her from speaking to UNIT; they would have been able to find someone who could deal with what made him different.

“So now you want to be a mother.”

Nat’s tone was definitely sarcastic, not that Sarah could really blame her. Telling her the story of what had happened and why she had not kept the baby might not have been her best idea, in retrospect. “It’s complicated,” she said. “And I’ve changed since then, I’m a different person now, and I want different things.”

Nat nodded but Sarah could tell it was not really making her feel any better. “We did agree we would just be friends,” she added.

“That’s not the point.”

She knew that. So, she took a deep breath and addressed what Nat was not saying. “I loved you from the moment I held you in my arms. My feelings have never changed.”

“You didn’t even know me.”

“I never said it was logical.” She offered up a smile.

Finally, Nat nodded and gave her a small smile of her own. “It’s still a bit weird,” she said.

Sarah felt exactly the same. “I know. But perhaps you can come round sometime. You might like him if you get to know him.”

“I’d like that.”

Sarah looked back at her car and noticed they were the only people still there. “We should get to the wake,” she said, standing up straight.

“You okay?” Nat asked. “Because you don’t look it,” she added, forestalling Sarah’s answer.

Now that she could not say ‘I’m fine’ she kept quiet, just bit her lip. She just did not want to cry in front of Luke and scare him, and although she was doing quite well so far there was no telling how long that might last.

“Why don’t you get Luke and I’ll drive? You can come back and get your car later.”

Sarah knew Nat was right, so she did not argue. “Thanks, Nat,” she said, and went to get Luke.

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Fandom: Doctor Who | Type: Character: Luke Smith, Character: Nat Redfern, Character: Sarah Jane Smith, Length: Long story, Pairing: Sarah/Harry, Series: Soap Opera, Type: Het | Link

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