Angelic Paranoia

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[The Last Leg] Conundrum
Sunday 1st January 2017

Rating: Teen
Pairing: Josh/Jonnie
Summary: A date at Jonnie's house give Josh and Jonnie a chance to learn a few things about each other.
Notes: Written for Biscuit Lion

Jonnie tossed Josh the remote control. "Stick the TV on if you want. We won't be long."

There wasn't a lot else to do in Jonnie's house on his own, save for going through Jonnie's things, which would be a bit weird. His phone would have been an option if he hadn't forgotten to charge it: something he'd discovered when he'd missed the bus and tried to text Jonnie to say he'd be late.

So he put his beer down on the coffee table beside Jonnie's, sat back on the sofa and switched the TV on. It turned out to be tuned to Dave, which was showing yet another repeat of QI from a few years ago. Which wasn't too bad an option, but after a couple of minutes it went to adverts. Since he wasn't particularly interested in watching them, Josh left the remote on the sofa and went to find Jonnie.

It turned out that when Jonnie said he needed to let the dogs out, it meant Jonnie would be standing at the back door, looking out. Presumably the dogs were in the garden, going to the toilet, but since they were black and it was dark outside, Josh couldn't immediately spot them.

"You watch a lot of old TV?" Josh asked, coming up beside Jonnie.

"What?" Jonnie looked confused for a moment. "Oh, there was an episode of Mock the Week with you on the other day."

"You've been TV-stalking me," Josh realised. He'd never heard of anyone actually looking at what was repeated on Dave and watching something specially.

Jonnie blushed. "I'm just catching up on your career."

Josh wasn't quite sure whether to be flatted or worried about it and not saying anything meant the silence got awkward, even though Jonnie appeared to be more interested in watching his dogs. Thinking they'd benefit from some time apart for a few minutes at least, Josh said, "I think I'll leave you and the dogs to it."

When he sat back down it suddenly changed channels, which was the point that he discovered he'd sat on the remote control. It had ended up on Channel 4 and 8 out of 10 Cats Does Countdown was on, so it could have been worse. He let himself be distracted by the show and was trying to find a word longer than the paltry four letters he'd managed so far when Jonnie returned.

"Are you upset by my TV-stalking?"

Josh looked up to see Jonnie standing in the doorway, fidgeting. The dogs could be seen behind him, fighting over a squeaky bone. It had been a bit odd, learning that Jonnie had been watching him. Even though being on TV meant that people saw him on it by definition. But he remembered back to just after he'd got back from Rio, missing the Paralympics and Jonnie, and had spent a couple of hours seeking out interviews with Jonnie on the internet. It wasn't quite like the real thing, but it had helped a bit. If it was odd, then they were both just as bad as each other.

"No, I think it's sweet," Josh concluded. Besides, it was hard to be upset with Jonnie when he looked so worried.

Jonnie smiled and came over to the sofa to sit beside Josh, close enough that their legs touched.

Josh had missed what long word Jon had inevitably found, but the numbers round was next. While Josh was concentrating, Jonnie put an arm round his waist and rested his cheek on Josh's shoulder. Jonnie waited until the countdown was up to ask, "Have you got it?"

Josh shook his head. "Five away, I think. It's harder to remember which numbers you've used and where you might have gone wrong when you can't write it down." It felt like a better excuse than 'I can't concentrate when you're touching me', and also had the element of truth.

At that Jonnie stood up and after rummaging around in the kitchen, returned with a pen and notepad.

Josh chuckled as he took them. "You haven't invited me over just to eat takeaway Nandos and watch me play countdown."

Jonnie shrugged. "I like that you're clever."

Josh smiled and curled up against Jonnie. He was attempting to find the solution to the teaser when Jonnie's dogs came over. "They're jealous," Jonnie joked. The dogs sat at Jonnie's feet, looking up at him with hopeful expressions. "They're used to sitting with me." Jonnie patted his lap and he immediately had two dogs on him trying to find enough space to lie down.

Josh felt sorry for him and when one sniffed at him, he called to it and patted his lap. The way he was sitting all the dog had to lie on was his legs, but the dog clearly wasn't bothered by that. Josh wasn't sure which one it was - Jonnie had introduced them, but since they were both the same colour and breed he couldn't remember which was which. At least the dogs were perfectly happy with him, although it was obvious they preferred Jonnie. And who could blame them.

Jonnie stroked the dog on his lap, and reached over to briefly pat the one on Josh's. Both dogs wagged their tails, not bothered by having to share Jonnie's attention.

On the letters round both Josh and Jonnie, and everyone on screen, was distracted by the F, K, C and U on the board. Josh found that ignoring Jimmy's antics were even harder when it was on screen, especially when it meant the letters weren't being shown. When the time was up Josh could only manage "fuck it," to Jonnie's amusement, who had managed the much more sensible 'tick'.

Once again during the numbers round Jonnie was silent, watching Josh work it out. Josh tried not to feel the pressure. But there was relief and a sense of achievement when, at the end of thirty seconds, he announced, "Got it." He showed Jonnie his workings.

"Well done." Jonnie reached out to put a hand on Josh's cheek and leaned over to kiss him. Jonnie had a tendency to surprise him like that, not that Josh was complaining. He relaxed into the kiss, one hand on Jonnie's leg to keep himself from falling. The chicken on Jonnie's breath he wasn't so keen on, but he could live with it for the joy of kissing Jonnie.

He would have moved closer, but the dog was a dead weight on his legs. And there quickly became another problem Josh had ignored the build-up of. "Ow!" He broke away, pushing the dog off him. He limped from the sofa for a few steps before managing to put weight on his left foot. "Pins and needles," he explained. Jonnie had been looking worried again.

"I can help with that." The other dog found herself dumped on the floor as Jonnie sat upright and motioned for Josh to sit back down.

At Jonnie's insistence, Josh returned to the sofa and offered him his foot.

Jonnie pulled Josh's sock off and gave his foot a quizzical look before starting to rub the life back into it. "Greg?"

He'd forgotten about his tattoo. At the start of the evening he hadn't considered that Jonnie might be paying that much attention to his foot. "You haven't seen Taskmaster, have you?" Although the answer to that was obvious - if Jonnie had, he wouldn't be asking.

Jonnie shook his head and Josh went on to explain. "Greg Davies is the taskmaster, setting comedians slightly strange tasks. One was to buy him a present and the present he liked best would get the most points. I thought getting a tattoo in his honour would be different."

Jonnie chuckled.

"It seemed like a good idea at the time," Josh offered in his defence. "And I won the challenge." Whether it was worth it was still up for debate.

"So, are you going to put my name on the other foot?" Jonnie sounded nonchalant, but was trying not to grin.

"Absolutely not. Four letters was painful enough, there's no way I'll survive six."

Jonnie laughed so hard he had to let Josh's foot go. Josh decided to leave the sock off for now and rest his foot next to Jonnie's leg to keep it warm.

When Jonnie had recovered, he asked, "Is it feeling any better?"

"Yes, thank you."

"I'm surprised you get pins and needles, given how much time you spend sitting on your leg on The Last Leg.

"I've perfected that art," Josh explained. "And I don't usually have a dog sprawled over me, cutting off the blood supply."

"They do get heavy after a while." Although that didn't stop Jonnie from giving them an affectionate look. They had recovered from their sudden demotion from laps and were rolling around the floor with each other.

Josh shifted closer to put a hand on Jonnie's leg, capturing his attention again. "Let's go back to what we were doing before I got pins and needles."

Jonnie smiled and leaned over so they could kiss again. It was much easier without the dogs. When they parted it felt too soon and Josh went in for another kiss.

When that one was over, Jonnie moved far enough away to make it clear there wouldn't be another straight away. "I know I invited you over for dinner," he said, tightening his grip on Josh's waist, "but that doesn't necessarily mean we have to end up in bed, if you don't want to."

"I don't mind. Whatever you're comfortable with." Which was the truth anyway, but he felt he particularly needed to say it because Jonnie was looking so nervous. "What are you worried about?" He sat up straighter because this was an easier conversation to have when they weren't a few inches apart.

Jonnie glanced down. "My leg. Some people can't deal with it."

Much as he was tempted to make a joke, Josh refrained, since it was clearly a sore point for Jonnie. Maybe sometime later, when it was a better time, he'd ask who had freaked out about it in the past. "I've seen Adam and Alex without their prosthetics on, so it's not really going to be anything different to what I've seen before." Except it was different, because he'd never had a crush on Adam or Alex. But he didn't think he was going to find it as odd as someone who'd never seen anyone's stump before. "Why don't you take it off?" he suggested, since Jonnie still wasn't looking convinced.

"If you're sure." Jonnie sounded reluctant.

Josh didn't want to force him to do it, if he didn't want to, but it seemed like it would be the best way to get him to relax. Even if they just stuck to kissing for a while yet, at some point they'd both want to go further. It would be best to get Jonnie's worries out of the way now. "I am."

Jonnie took a deep breath, then leaned down to roll his trouser leg up to his knee and take his prosthetic off.

Josh knew he was sunk if he reacted to it at all, so he carefully kept his expression neutral. But it didn't matter - it turned out that he'd seen enough stumps that this was just another and nothing special. "Can I touch it?" He reached out a hand, unsure of how Jonnie would feel about it.

Maybe Jonnie didn't believe his reaction wasn't put on, but after a moment he said, "All right," and shifted round so he could offer Josh his stump.

Josh was gentle, but it turned out to be a bit of an anti-climax. It was just a leg. Albeit one that finished closer to the knee that most people's. He hoped his comfort about it was reassuring Jonnie enough to believe he didn't have a problem with it. "You've definitely got a leg missing," he concluded when he let go, making Jonnie laugh. At least Jonnie looked happier now, so Josh knew he'd done the right thing.

"Your turn to take something off," Jonnie said.

Josh hesitated over what he could remove: he didn't have many options. His shirt and trousers were a lot bigger than a leg, and his other sock wouldn't be that exciting. "You've already seen my feet."

Jonnie seemed to have his own ideas on what piece of clothing Josh should take off and reached out to the second button of Josh's shirt to undo it.

"I don't know." Josh didn't stop him, because one button didn't make much difference, but he wasn't sure about this.

"You've been topless on TV," Jonnie pointed out, undoing the next button.

Josh reached up to take Jonnie's hands, preventing him from doing any more unbuttoning. "That was different." Just because Jonnie had seen his naked chest on TV didn't mean he wouldn't be disappointed at seeing it up close. "And it's not as good as yours." Jonnie's racing vest was enough to tell him Jonnie had a lot of muscles going on everywhere.

"It's not a competition. Your best work goes on up here." Jonnie pulled a hand away to reach up to Josh's head. He laid his hand against it, then ended up running it through Josh's hair.

"I'm like Samson, cut my hair off and all my comedy is gone."

Jonnie laughed.

Josh loved making people laugh - that was the whole point of being a comedian, after all - but he especially loved making Jonnie laugh. It was enough of an ego boost that he worked on the rest of his shirt buttons. Jonnie leaned back against the arm of the sofa, looking for all the world like he was enjoying the view. Maybe he was - Josh certainly would be if their positions were reversed.

Once his shirt was off he asked, "What do you think?" while directing his gaze somewhere in the vicinity of Jonnie's shoulder.

"Looks good to me." Jonnie smiled at Josh when he met Jonnie's eyes, then bent to kiss Josh's collarbone, following it up by working his way down Josh's chest.

With all his nerves stimulated like that there was no way Josh could relax, even though Jonnie was clearly happy. There was something about the scratching of Jonnie's beard followed by the softness of his lips, as he made his way down Josh's chest, that temporarily made him forget all his reservations and want to take off the rest of his clothes and let Jonnie kiss wherever he liked.

When Jonnie had reached as far down Josh's torso as he could from the position he was in, he smiled at Josh's attempts to get any words out.

"I love that I can make you unable to speak," Jonnie said, before finding another way: kissing him on the lips again.

It was as if that was the catalyst for one of Jonnie's dogs to join them. All of a sudden there was a dog between them, standing on her hind legs, trying to lick Jonnie's face. Jonnie laughed and buried his hands in her fur, but to Josh he said, "I think we should go upstairs where we can shut the dogs out."

"Good idea," Josh agreed. At least they'd got their worst worries about their bodies out in the open and from now on it should all be easier. He, for one, was longing to get his hands on some of Jonnie's muscles. The idea certainly beat getting the last bus home and going back to an empty house.




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