Angelic Paranoia

Paranoidangel's Fanfic

Doctor Who

Messages From Ace's Phone

Rating: General
Beta: thisbluespirit
Summary: It's Tuesday. A normal day. If a normal day includes aliens and worrying about friends.
Notes: Set before The Power of the Doctor. Written for lurking_latinist. The grey texts on the left are from Tegan, the green ones on the right are from Ace.

Tegan: Hey, do you remember those aliens that look like three foot high beetles?

Ace: Hi Tegan, good to hear from you. Yeah, they're the Vokgran. They're not back again are they?

Tegan: Yes. In Swindon. They're eating the roads.

Ace: Great.

Tegan: Any tips on how to get rid of them?

Ace: Sorry, got distracted. And the signal here is terrible.

Ace: The Vokgran do like concrete. At least the roads will keep them occupied for a while.

Tegan: But people notice giant beetles eating the road they're trying to drive on. And the police are giving me funny looks. Have you ever tried to hide on the magic roundabout?

Tegan: Where are you anyway?

Ace: Snowdonia National Park. Got roped into giving the Mountain Rescue here some fundraising tips. A favour for a friend of Kate's.

Ace: But a good explosion will sort them out.

Tegan: Unlike you I don't carry explosives. Got any other suggestions?

Ace: I don't carry explosives everywhere. Makes it hard to get on planes. But there are plenty of everyday household items you can mix together. Contrary to popular opinion, I did pay attention at school.

Ace: Well, sometimes. If it was an interesting lesson.

Ace: Anyway, try fire. You've got some matches on you right?

Tegan: Of course. And there are some trees around here, so I can find something to burn. Just have to dodge cars and the police and the giant beetles.

Ace: Just another Tuesday then.

"Hi Ace, I guess you still have signal problems. I'll try calling you again later. The Vokgran are all dead. They really don't like fire. I got caught, of course, but UNIT turned up to break me out of jail. I've lost count of the number of times I've been locked up.

At least we have UNIT to deal with the police and the press. Although it'll probably be the usual gas leak line. Maybe you should give them some more interesting suggestions to try."

Is everything alright? You still aren't answering your phone.

Ace? Are you there?

I thought maybe your phone had run out of battery or had no signal or had been eaten by a mountain lion or something. So I asked Kate and she tracked your phone and it's right where it should be. I didn't know they could track our phones. I'm not sure I like that. But call me when you've finished with that fundraising, OK?

"Hi Ace. In case you can listen to this message, I'm coming to find you. UNIT are leaving and there's nothing more I can do here. It wasn't so bad. No one died. Some bloke's sobbing over his Mercedes that fell down the crack, but it's only a car. I know it's a posh, expensive one, but it's still just a car. See you soon. I hope."

Tegan: Who do you call if mountain rescue needs rescuing?

Tegan: The mountain lion was supposed to be a joke. I wasn't expecting there to actually be one. But there are claw marks. I swear I'm not psycho.

Tegan: Psychic. Stupid phone.

Tegan: They're calling off the rescue because it's too dark. I've heard that on the news before and it sounded logical then. But it's different when it's a friend. I want to keep looking but I don't know where to look. What happened to you that meant you went off without your phone?

Tegan: UNIT have analysed the photo I took of the claw marks and they think they're from a big cat, probably a tiger. But none of the local zoos have any escapees. I checked. And I know you. You wouldn't be scared by a tiger. Not after the things you've seen. Which means it's not a tiger, it just has claws like a tiger's. But I don't know what it is. UNIT don't know what it is.

Tegan: I don't know why I'm telling you this. I keep hearing the message alert from your phone. Which is in my pocket. I think I just have to tell someone. Makes it easier to get it clearer in my mind. You're not dead, I know you're not. You can't be.

Tegan: If you're dead I'm going back to Australia and pretending aliens don't exist. That way I can't lose any more friends.

Tegan: If you're alive couldn't you give me a sign or something?

Tegan: Oh, rain. That'll help no end, thanks.

Tegan: UNIT says it's a were-tiger. I mean, seriously?

Tegan: OK, I suppose it's not technically a were-tiger since it's an alien when it's not a tiger, but it's pretty similar. Anyway, Osgood is calling it a were-tiger.

Tegan: The important thing is you're going to be fine. I'll be here in the hospital coffee shop while you're in surgery. Getting the skin on your arm ripped off by a tiger's claw isn't that bad, right?

Tegan: Oh, and the were-tiger or whatever it is, also needs some patching up. Although a broken nose isn't so bad. Your doing, I imagine.

Tegan: None of the mountain rescue people have any injuries. They're just a bit shaken up. They're not used to this sort of thing, like we are. I'm not sure I am used to this. I hate being used to this.

Tegan: I realised I've still got your phone, so I gave it to a nurse. Hopefully they won't look at the screen before they give it to you.

Tegan: Maybe that means I need to send you more texts so there's no mention of you-know-what on there.

Tegan: This surgery is taking forever.

Tegan: You're going to be fine.

Tegan: If Kate asks any more favours for any more friends I think you should say no. Because it always ends up like this. You're always getting into scrapes. I know I am too, but I think you're worse off than me for injuries. You do tend to throw yourself into things.

Tegan: We should be too old for this sort of thing. But I'm not sure you're ever going to stop unless forced to.

Tegan: When is it going to end? How is it going to end?

Tegan: Maybe one day you'll retire somewhere peaceful.

Tegan: Actually, no, you'll hate that.

Tegan: You're going to be fine.

Tegan: I need more coffee.

"Hi Tegan. You must be asleep. You must need it. You were texting me all night. I just wanted to say thank you for caring. I only ever had one person who cared and you know what happened between me and him. Do you think we should be calling him her now? It's very confusing. Anyway.

Did you know there's an old UNIT base beneath Snowdon? Abandoned now, but it got the you-know-what out of the moonlight and it turned back into, well, whatever it is. We hid in there, that's why you couldn't find us. The mountain rescue people were equipped for fund raising, not rescuing, and I bled quite a lot. And left my phone behind, it turns out. Not that I was in a position to worry about that at the time. UNIT will hand out the NDAs. I'm glad we have them to deal with the paperwork. I hate paperwork.

Oh, yeah, I kicked it in the nose. And the mouth, which didn't go so well for my boot. Do you think I can claim a new pair on expenses?"